Because of You
by jzfs720
Summary: He didn't think forgetting would be this hard.
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone! This is my first story, and it is seriously in need of a beta. So if anyone wants to volunteer *looks around* you are more than welcome.

Anyways, I was watching season 3 of The Office recently and got all nostalgic and what not, so this is the result of that.

This is a bit of JAM and Jim/Karen, and it's slightly AU. Consider yourselves warned :-)

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters are not mine, and the only benefit I receive from this is my own enjoyment. Enjoy!

He kept seeing her face. The image continued to find its way, unwelcome, into his subconscious thoughts. It was even now getting to the point that he would see it sometimes while he was awake as well. It didn't make any sense. The whole situation occurred so long ago Jim was sure it was indicative of something other than a passing memory. Over the course of the past year it had been happening occasionally, but as of late it was occurring more and more often. Jim shook his head and turned slightly to look over at the pretty receptionist sitting behind the counter. She looked up from her computer and caught his glance and smiled beautifully. She looked radiant. True happiness looked gorgeous on her. He smiled back in response; elated that he was the one who put that smile on her face. It was because of him that she was finally, completely happy. He had wanted this for so long. Years he had pined over that shy smile, those red curls; in essence, everything that made Pam, Pam. She was everything he had always wanted, and now they had finally gotten the timing right. So why was he still seeing _her_ face? Jim turned back around towards his computer and sighed quietly. Right after the break-up he had been fine; relieved, even. He had chosen not to settle anymore. So he asked Pam out to dinner and she said yes and all was right with his world. He didn't even give Karen a second thought until later that night he had realized he hadn't broken up with her yet.

He drove quickly back to New York; determined to do this in person and be rid of this relationship once and for all. She was understandably worried sick about him; after all, he did just leave her in the city with no explanation.

Jim had never seen Karen cry. Well, not really. Not like that. She was usually a pretty strong woman. That didn't mean that she was devoid of emotion. Her face was a mixture of disbelief, anger and embarrassment. At the time though, he didn't care. Well no, that's not true. He cared that she was upset, but what kind of human being wouldn't be sympathetic towards a sobbing woman? But it had to be done. The relationship wasn't working. It never really had been working. She wasn't Pam and she never would be, thus this could never amount to anything serious. It probably would have been better if Karen had known that from the beginning, but he was tired of lying to her and to himself. He knew what he wanted; _who_ he wanted, and it was not the dark haired beauty crying her eyes out in front of him. The shaggy haired salesman was shaken out of his revere when he felt a piece of balled-up paper bounce off the side of his head.

"Hey Jim! JIM! I have been trying to get your attention for the past five minutes! Did you do this?" Dwight gestured emphatically towards his stapler which was submerged in bright orange Jell-O. Jim's eyes widened as he attempted to keep the smirk off his face.

"Did I do what, Dwight?" Dwight growled.

"THIS! If so just know that you are guilty of defacing company property and I am going to go tell Michael!" Jim raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"Really, Dwight? What are you, five?"

"You are one to talk about age or lack thereof, Jim! If I were a five-year-old I would be so superior mentally and physically that I would never need to resort to childish pranks in the workplace!"

"You would have a workplace at five years old?" Dwight slammed his hand down on his desk.

"Yes! As a matter of fact, I did! When I was five, I had two full time jobs. I didn't start school until I was 12. The Schrutes know nothing of child labor laws, nor would we observe them if we did. Child labor laws are for weaklings." Just then Michael called for Dwight from inside of his office. He jumped up quickly.

"This isn't over, Jim!"

"If by 'this' you mean this conversation, then yes it is." Jim looked up and smiled triumphantly at his coworker before returning his attention back to his computer screen. As Dwight retreated into the recesses of Michael's office, Jim chuckled to himself. That little escapade had distracted him a bit. He was grateful for it.

* * *

><p>"I really want to take this, Jim." Pam looked up pleadingly into Jim's face. Jim sighed and looked away briefly, then back up at his girlfriend.<p>

"I know, I know…it's just…it's New York, Pam...for 3 months! I will barely get to see you…"

"I know…you're right. I don't even know why I brought it up." Pam looked down at her lap briefly and played with her fingers. She got up quickly from the table with full eyes to go back to her desk before Jim caught her hand.

"Wait, Pam." Pam stopped with her back still to Jim; disappointment evident throughout the posture of her body. "Turn around. Please?" He tugged Pam's hand gently until she turned to face him, her eyes still gazing intently at her feet. "I want you to take it." Pam sighed.

"Jim, no. It's fine. Really…"

"No, stop. This is your dream. Who am I to stand in the way of that? I can try to come up some weekends…it will work out. You deserve this, and you're really talented! How can I keep the world from the awesomeness that is Pam Beesly?" Jim concluded with a smile. Pam finally looked up; her face a perfect picture of astonishment.

"Are you sure?" A smile was already beginning to form its way across her face. It was infectious. Jim grinned up at her.

"Yeah, totally! I'm proud of you, Beesly." Pam squeezed Jim's hand excitedly.

"Thank you…thank you so much."

* * *

><p>Jim was doing well. He hadn't thought about Karen in weeks. Pam was away pursuing her art classes. She called him every night and they talked for a couple of hours before they went to sleep. He had also been up to see her on a couple of occasions. Pam was really coming into her own in the city. She was becoming much more independent, and Jim loved that about her. It was amazing how much she had grown in just a few short weeks. Jim reached for his cell phone when he felt it vibrating on the couch next to him. He checked it and smiled when he saw Pam's name appear on the screen. He quickly answered it and leaned back into the couch cushions.<p>

"What's up, Beesly?"

"Hi, Jim!" Pam responded happily. Talking to him was, without a doubt, her favorite part of the day. "How's Scranton?" She asked that every time. Jim shrugged as he always did, even though she couldn't see him through the phone.

"What can I say? It's Scranton. Same ol', same ol'. Dwight and Michael are still here, so you know I am keeping entertained," he smirked. Pam laughed.

"I bet." Then she grew silent. "I miss you," she responded after a few minutes. Jim smiled sadly into the phone.

"I know. I miss you too. You doing ok up there?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just wish you were here. Classes are good. I'm learning a lot.

"Good. Now keep learning a lot as fast as you can so you can hurry up and get back here, alright? Scranton isn't the same without you." Pam smiled on the other end.

"I'm trying, I'm trying! Ugh…I didn't think it would be like this." Jim frowned curiously.

"Like what?" Pam laughed again.

"Like, I don't know…I didn't think being on my own would be this hard! You guys all make it look so easy."

"Well, when you get lonely, you know I'm always here. Just call me up when it's ok for me to come up there. I don't want to interfere with your schedule."

"Jim, don't be silly. You know I always have time for you. I would come back right now if I had not invested all of this time and effort into this thing." Jim shook his head.

"Nope. I wouldn't let you come back until you finished it up. As much as I miss having you here with me, I know that this is something that you need to do." Pam grinned.

"How very considerate of you. Hey, why don't you come up this weekend? Are you doing anything?" Jim looked around his apartment.

"Uh, yeah actually. I was planning on, you know, washing my windows and watching highlights of games on ESPN that I've seen at least 50 times before so that I can pretend like I don't know who's gonna win." He chuckled when he heard Pam laugh.

"Washing your windows, huh? Sounds very important. I don't want to get in the way of that though, so stay home and use the heck outta that Windex, Halpert."

"Tell you what, if you insist, I think I could tear myself away from it just this one weekend and come up and see you instead."

"Aww, you would do that for me?"

"In a heartbeat."

"Well I'll see you Saturday then?"

"Count on it."

* * *

><p>Jim sat at a table in the little coffee shop as he waited on Pam to come back from the bathroom. He wrapped both hands around his cup as he stared out of the window at the city. He turned back as he heard laughter in front of him.<p>

A small group of people were walking into the coffee shop. They were laughing and talking amongst themselves as they made their way to the counter up front. He smiled slightly at the scene. One woman in particular caught his eye. The group was congregating around her; and not that Jim was purposely eavesdropping, but it seemed as if they were congratulating her for something. One guy put an arm across her shoulders as he was speaking to her. When she looked up at him to respond, Jim froze.

Karen was standing just a few feet in front of him. She hadn't seen him, so he looked away quickly and tried to slouch down into his chair a bit. Of course, if she were to look over in his direction, that move would prove to be incredibly useless. At over 6 feet, it was difficult to be inconspicuous. He caught remnants of her conversation as she spoke in her characteristically low, raspy way. She seemed happy. If that was the case, Jim didn't understand why he still felt so guilty about what had transpired between them. They broke up. Couples do that; especially couples who were completely wrong for each other. Her hair was darker than Pam's; her voice deeper and her stature smaller. She wasn't Pam in the slightest. So why was he feeling compelled to talk to her, even as he was trying to keep himself hidden from her view? Why couldn't he just leave it alone?

It was guilt. It had to be. There was no other explanation. Jim was a good guy, but the way that he had treated Karen was far from good. He had used her, pretty much. He knew that he could never fall in love with her, but he allowed her to fall in love with him. She didn't deserve to be what she was to him; a mere rebound and protection of sorts so that he wouldn't look so pathetic when he returned from Stamford. He didn't want Pam to feel sorry for him; didn't want anyone to feel sorry for him. He had to show that he was moving on, even though his heart was nowhere near being up to the task.

Jim chanced a look over in the group's direction. They were sitting at a table now. But as he glanced over, Karen looked up and caught his eye. His eyes went wide as being caught, but she just frowned and shook her head almost imperceptibly before turning back to her friends. At that moment, Pam made her way back to his table. He glanced over again to see if Karen had seen Pam, but she never looked his way again.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Jim emails from his Yahoo! account because he's using his personal laptop when he writes it and he doesn't have Outlook installed.

* * *

><p>The TV flickered brightly in front of him, but the sound was muted. Jim lay on his back in his hotel bed and stared up at the ceiling. He had accompanied Pam back to her room a couple of hours ago, and he was on the way back to Scranton in the morning. Jim sighed and ran his hands roughly over his face. Things had been going so well. Why did he have to see her today? The images he had been trying so hard to put out of his mind were back. Her face. Those sad eyes that, even as he was ending it all, were still, for whatever reason, filled with love for him. There was no love there today though, Jim mused. All he caught was disgust in those hazel flecked green eyes. That should be enough for him right? What did he expect? That she would come over and greet him, all smiles, and tell him that everything was forgiven? It was all good? Jim rolled over to his right side and looked at an amateur painting of a bowl of fruit on the wall.<p>

This should not be happening. He should be enjoying his life right now. And he was for the most part. Only the thoughts of Karen and the guilt associated with that whole situation tainted his rosy outlook. Jim closed his eyes to the image of the last time he and Karen and been together before the break-up. The last night that everything had been good. Well, at least good in Karen's eyes. She had kissed him gently as he pushed into her; sighing softly into his mouth. There was no sadness in her eyes then. Her skin was flushed and her body coated with a thin sheath of sweat. Her legs were wrapped possessively around his back and her nails dug into his shoulders. His neck tingled as her soft moans vibrated against it. Afterwards he had held her in his arms and combed her hair with his fingers, but his mind had been far from the current situation.

The next night he was in Pam's bed consummating a love that he had felt for so long. It didn't seem wrong at the time because it felt so right. What Karen must have been feeling did not even cross his mind because what he was currently feeling was so much at the forefront. Jim sat up slowly and swung his feet over the edge of the bed. He walked into the bathroom and brushed his teeth before coming back into the room and turning off the TV. The room was now dark and silent, and Jim was still awake. After lying in bed for about five minutes with his eyes wide open, Jim rolled over and turned on the light on the bed side table. He picked up his phone and scrolled through the contact list quickly. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the number. He couldn't believe that he still had it. Now, there was nothing to say that the number was still the same. She could have changed it. But his fingers were moving of their own volition until, before he knew it, the line was ringing on the other end.

* * *

><p>Karen groaned as she heard her phone ringing behind her. With her eyes still closed, she rolled over and reached in the general direction of the last place she remembered placing her phone. When her hand wrapped around it, she opened her eyes slightly. The number flashing across the screen was unfamiliar. She contemplated answering it just to see who it was, but then she ruled that her desire to go back to sleep outweighed any desire she might have to find out who was calling her. Her eyes were closed again before she even dropped the phone back on the nightstand.<p>

* * *

><p>When the phone went to voicemail, Jim hung up without leaving a message. <em>Now what? <em>He thought. _Why was I even trying to call her in the first place?_ Jim sat for a while on the edge of the bed as he tried to come up with an answer.

_I can't get over this guilt until I make this right with Karen,_ he finally concluded. _Then I can finally move on with Pam._ That had to be it. He couldn't stand that he had left things the way that he did. After he had gone to Utica a year ago when Michael and Dwight decided it would be a good idea to steal Karen's industrial copier, he had tried everything he could to prevent Karen from seeing him; especially considering he was dressed in a women's uniform and wearing a comically large, fake mustache. That plan had failed when Karen caught sight of the camera crew in his car. As he, Michael and Dwight were being reprimanded in her office, he couldn't help but notice that she looked a bit different than she had just a few months earlier. She looked stronger somehow; more mature. It was like she had faced a devastating obstacle and had come out on top. He swallowed hard when he realized that she _had_ faced such an obstacle. Him. He really didn't want to believe that he had cut her as deeply as he did. He had always known that she would get along ok without him, so it wasn't a big deal, right? What he had failed to realize was that she was still a woman; albeit an incredibly strong woman, but a woman none the less. A woman whose greatest weakness had been him, and her greatest mistake had been to fall in love.

Her confidence and self-assuredness were what initially attracted him to her. She knew what she wanted out of life, and she wasn't going to let anything get in the way of her having it. At the time, it was a breath of fresh air in stark contrast to what he had just left in Pam. It was just what he needed.

Now what he needed to know was that Karen was ok. He needed to know that being with Pam wasn't wrong, and that after years of getting it wrong, he had finally made the right choice. He glanced at his laptop across the room on the desk. He had to know. He had to.

* * *

><p>Karen smiled as she walked into Dunder-Mifflin the next morning. She was feeling good. She had gotten into her MBA program and was finally on track to achieving the career she had always wanted. She smiled at her receptionist as she walked towards her office.<p>

"Morning, Rolando."

"Morning, Karen. You have a couple of messages this morning. Do you want them now, or would you rather me wait until you get settled in first?"

"I'll take them, thanks," she responded as she held out her right hand to receive the pieces of paper Rolando had organized into a neat stack. She dropped her things off on the small sofa in her office and shut the door before settling down behind her computer. She turned it on and looked through her messages while she waited for it to boot up. Karen quickly clicked open her email once she was able to, and scrolled quickly through messages and from Corporate, a couple from clients, and one from Michael of all people. Karen rolled her eyes, but had to smile. Michael Scott still asserted that he would burn Utica to the ground if she ever tried to steal one of his salesmen again. She saved his email to open up later when she wasn't feeling as good and needed a pick-me-up.

One email in particular made her head tilt in surprise, and then frown when she saw who it was from. She immediately checked the box next to it so that she could delete it, but then stopped herself as she looked at it intently. Her curiosity was getting the best of her, and against her better judgment, she opened it up.

**From: jimhalpert76 [at] yahoo . com**

**To: k_ filippelli [at] dundermifflin . com**

**Subject: [no subject]**

_I know you're going to probably delete this before you even open it, but I have to say this anyway. I really don't know how to put this, so I'm just going to come right out and say it. I need to see you. I've been thinking a lot lately about the way that I left things a year ago, and I'm just now coming to the realization that it wasn't fair to you. I know, I'm an idiot and I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I really want the chance to make this right. You didn't deserve the way I treated you. You're an incredible woman and I'm sorry that you can't get back the 6 months of your life that you wasted on me. Please give me a chance to try to make this ok. Please._

Karen's jaw clenched slightly as she read the email over again. So she was supposed to help Halpert feel better about himself, huh? Hell no. She knew it was a year ago, and that she shouldn't really still be pissed off about it, but she was, and she wasn't ready to forgive him yet. That whole ordeal had been the most embarrassing, degrading thing she had ever endured. She had felt like such an idiot. It was like everyone knew what was going on with Jim and Pam except her. She was completely out of the loop. And what's worse is that Jim allowed her to remain that way. Sure he had told her that one time that he still had feelings for Pam after she had asked, but then he made her believe that it was nothing. That it was in the past and he was getting over her. He made her believe that he was genuinely glad that he was with her. She thought that maybe one day he would feel the same about her that she did about him.

She had to admit, seeing him sitting in the coffee shop yesterday had been a surprise. When she caught him looking at her though, her reaction was immediate. She didn't even have to think about it. She frowned automatically because that was what she felt like doing. She wasn't happy to see him, she didn't want to know why he was there, she just wanted to frown. So she did. She wasn't even particularly angry when she did it though. When she saw him, all the hurt that she had suffered came rushing back to her remembrance, even though she had been sure-at least before that incident-that she was over it. So it's not like she had really been frowning at him per se; it was more like she was frowning because she was remembering what he had done to her and how she had let it happen.

Karen leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms as she stared at the computer screen without really seeing it. She wanted to delete the email and forget she ever saw it; she really did, but for one reason or another, she couldn't bring herself to do it. Not yet. She leaned forward again and closed the email, then glanced over her messages again that Rolando had given her. She sighed. She was tired of accommodating Jim Halpert. She had already done enough of that before. Karen closed out her email completely and picked up the message on top of the stack. She had a lot of work to do.

* * *

><p>Jim sat staring at pages of spreadsheets at his desk. They were the same spreadsheets he had been staring at for the past 15 minutes. He didn't really feel like working today; which is pretty much how he feels everyday, but today he was exceptionally slow in getting started; even slow for him. A week had gone by and he had not received a reply from Karen at all. That bothered him. He had poured everything in his heart into that email, and she was just ignoring it. Ignoring him.<p>

He sat back in his chair and twirled a pen in his fingers as he looked around the office. He turned back to the reception desk to be greeted with the presence of Ryan who was taking Pam's spot while she was away. He really wished Pam was in that spot. He needed her here; if for nothing else then to get his mind off of a certain dark-haired-saleswoman-turned-regional-manager. If she would just accept his offer to fix this then it would be over and he could move on and hopefully forget a Karen Filippelli ever was a part of his life.

Jim reached out and refreshed his email just in case. He had been keeping his Yahoo account open on his desktop for the past week just to check it as often as possible. He didn't really have much hope for finding what he was looking for; if she wanted to talk to him she would have written back already, right? He sighed and turned to look at the clock on the wall. It was 9:30. There was no way only 30 minutes had gone by since he walked into work; this was going to be an extremely long day. With nothing else to do at the moment, Jim opened up Second Life on his computer hoping to get a rise out of Dwight by killing his character in a house fire. He refreshed his email one more time out of habit, then went to close it out until he saw it. Jim sat forward quickly and stared at his newest email, then blinked to make sure he wasn't just imagining it. He quickly opened it up. It was only a couple of lines.

**From: k_ filippelli [at] dundermifflin . com**

**To: jimhalpert76 [at] yahoo . com**

**Subject: **Re:

_I'm not promising you anything. I'm coming to the city on Friday for a meeting at corporate. If I happen to see you around, we can talk then. If not, it's not my problem._

Jim logged out of his account to prevent the cameras and Dwight from seeing it and looked over towards Michael's office before getting up and knocking quickly on the doorframe.

"Hey, Jimbo! My man! What can I do ya for?" Michael answered with that trademark goofy grin.

"Um yeah, just…do you have a meeting on Friday at corporate?"

"Why as a matter of fact I do. Gotta go rub elbows with the big boys. They want me to put together a presentation about our numbers, but that's just…bleh. Boring. I think what they would rather see is a music video with an original song to the tune of Sir Mixalot's "I Like Big Butts-"

"Do you need a ride?" Jim interrupted, not really caring to hear about Michael's latest, and obviously inappropriate project. Michael looked up surprised.

"Well, I was gonna get Ryan to drive me. Pam usually drives me. Speaking of Pam, how's the long distance thing treating you? Must be hard. You having a lot of phone sex?" Jim rolled his eyes toward the ceiling and sighed; he decided to ignore Michael's last comment.

"Ryan has to stay back and answer the phones and do receptionist-y things, or whatever. I was thinking, since I go to see Pam on the weekends, I could drive up there with you." Michael smiled like a little kid who had just heard Christmas was going to be every day from now on.

"That would be great! Gives us a chance to bond!"

"No. No bonding, Michael—"

"We can chill out in the city; maybe pick up some chicks…well, no chicks for you because you're with Pam…you can watch me pick up chicks…does a threesome count as cheating?" Jim looked over at the camera with raised eyebrows before pointing back towards the door.

"Yeah, I gotta get back to work." Jim turned abruptly and walked out of Michael's office, closing the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: The texts ahould be read as if the recipient is reading them. For example, when Karen's name is at the bottom of the text, it means Karen wrote it, but Jim is reading it.

Also, Jim's name doesn't appear at the bottom of Karen's texts because she deleted his number, while he still has her number saved in his phone.

* * *

><p>Jim sat in the reception area of Dunder-Mifflin Corporate headquarters. He and Michael had gotten there about an hour ago, much to Jim's relief. Usually, when he rode in a car with Michael, Dwight rode along with them so the brunt of Michael's attention wasn't focused on him. Jim mistakenly thought that chauffeuring Michael by himself couldn't be much worse than any other time he had to ride in a car with him. He was definitely wrong. Michael wouldn't even let him turn on the radio; said something about he needed to get his game face on. Jim hadn't gotten much sleep the night before; for some reason he was really, really anxious. On top of that, he had to get up earlier than usual to make sure that they got on the road on time and before the majority of the morning rush crowd—or as much of a morning rush that Scranton could get—so he stopped at a gas station before getting out of town and he bought a Coke to stay awake. Then he really had to pee after drinking it all but he didn't want to stop because for some reason he just <em>had<em> to keep going until they got to New York.

"_So," _Michael had asked when they first arrived. _"You nervous?"_ Jim had frowned.

"_What? Why would I be nervous? You're the one giving the presentation."_ Michael smirked as if to say "come on…seriously?"

"_Really…isn't it obvious?"_

"_Uh, no…no it isn't."_

"_You know! The possibility that Karen could be here…ex—lover…ex—lover for who you dumped to be with your current lover which is Pam."_

"_I really don't see what that has to do—"_

"_I mean come on…the last time she saw you she wanted to kill you!" _Michael remained silent.

"_But really though…why did you break up? You never answered my question about the sex last time."_

"_Michael, can we just please not go there?"_

"_Was it that bad? I still can't imagine it being that bad. Her body is…just…so—"_

"_Michael, please!"_

"_Her breasts are a little on the small side…nothing that implants couldn't fix though. Jan's were so hot. I used to rub my face in between them and make a noise like a motorboat." _Jim stared helplessly at the camera as they walked on.

When they finally got to the conference room, Jim stopped and opened the door for Michael in hopes that he could hurry him through it. As he did so, David Wallace looked up, as did everyone else in the room.

"Jim! Good to see you," David greeted enthusiastically. "You here to sit in on us?"

"No…no, he is not," Michael interjected. "This meeting is for regional managers, and Jim, as great a guy as he is, is only the assistant regional manager to me."

"Oh, it's ok, Michael. I don't have a problem with it…" David insisted.

"It's ok, David…really," Jim replied. "I'm just here to make sure Michael got here on time…to make sure he got here at all for that matter." Light chuckling was heard throughout the room. It sounded reasonable. After all, they all knew Michael. Just as Jim was backing out of the room and closing the door, he noticed Karen's eyes on him. When she saw him looking though she turned back towards the front quickly. He shut the door.

* * *

><p>Jim sat in the reception area feeling a faint sense of déjà vu. This was the last place that he and Karen had been together as boyfriend and girlfriend. She left him to go out with her friends before his interview. Jim frowned as he thought about it, but he didn't know why. <em>'Did I want her to stay?' <em>He wondered. At the time he thought it hadn't mattered to him one way or the other. But later that day on the way back to Scranton, he realized that it bothered him. But the thing was, it shouldn't have bothered him because he was on his way back to Pam by that time. Yet and still, it didn't change the fact that he was a bit angry. _'She couldn't even stay with me…why couldn't she have just been patient? Was I that much of an inconvenience to her?' _As soon as he thought those words he knew they weren't fair. He had, on more than one occasion, left her to her own devices to do something that he deemed more interesting. One instance in particular came to mind when he chose to stay home and watch a game rather than go out on a date with her.

The meeting had been going on for about an hour. They should be out soon. Jim sat back and crossed his legs as he tried to figure out just what the hell he was going to say to Karen. What if she changed her mind? What if she decided that she didn't want to talk to him? Then what? _'Will I be ok with that?' _He wondered. Just then, the managers started filing out of the conference room. Jim strained his neck to try to see around the corner.

"Jim! Jim! Guess what?" Jim was startled to hear Michael's voice. How did he miss Michael of all people?

"Huh? Where did you—"

"Guess what?"

"I can't possibly guess…"

"Just…guess, Jim!" Jim sighed.

"David was so impressed with your 'I Like Big Butts' presentation that he promoted you to a top secret position here at Corporate under the condition that you cannot perform your duties under your own name, but under the moniker of Agent Michael Scarn, thus you have appointed me to inform Dwight that he can now assume kingship over the office." Michael paused.

"What? No…guess again…"

"Michael!"

"Ok! Ok…I'll tell you…" Michael clasped his hands together and pressed them to his mouth, barely able to contain his glee. "I saw Holly!" He blurted out excitedly. Jim's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Really? Where?"

"Here! She was here…she is here…she is requesting a transfer from Nashua back to Scranton!"

"Wow…that's great, Michael."

"I know! And I'm going to have lunch with her…and possibly dinner…and also possibly breakfast…tomorrow morning…with her in her hotel room because we're going to have—"

"I get it Michael."

"Do you, Jim? Do you really? Because I don't think you do. This is fate. No, this is the gods telling us that we, Michael and Holly, should be together." Jim smirked, amused.

"Which gods, Michael?"

"Just…the gods, Jim! The gods of the earth and Mars, and possibly…Uranus." Michael snorted with laughter at Uranus while Jim cut his eyes towards the camera. As he did, he noticed two more people coming down the hallway.

Karen and David were walking together, seemingly in deep conversation. When they got to the reception desk, David patted Karen on the back and smiled wide. "Congratulations!" He told her, and Karen smiled back almost shyly.

"Thank you." After David turned to go, Karen glanced up at him and adjusted the purse on her shoulder before shoving her hands into her coat pockets.

"Filippellers! Great job in there!" Michael said. "Here's a tip though…next time, use less numbers…it's very boring." Karen turned her head towards him and stared. Finally, she just nodded slowly and inhaled deeply.

"Uh yeah…I'll keep that in mind." Satisfied that he had aided in the development of his fellow manager, Michael got up and walked back in the direction that he had last seen Holly.

Karen and Jim were left staring intently at each other until Jim could no longer take her scrutinizing gaze and looked away briefly. She could really make this a lot easier on him by speaking first, but he knew she wasn't the one to give him a break. Jim uncrossed his legs and leaned forward, placing his forearms on his knees, hands clasped in front of him. He looked up at her again. "Hey," he finally managed.

"Hi," Karen responded. Awkward silence surrounded them once more. Karen cleared her throat softly before looking up at the clock on the wall, then leveling her gaze towards the exit.

"Look, I'm going to go get something to eat." Jim paused, his lips slightly parted. He didn't really know what to say to that.

"Oh…ok. Um…ok." Karen adjusted her purse again, glanced at Jim, and starting making her way towards the exit. _'Is she inviting me along?' _He wondered. He felt stupid. He had gone through all this trouble to get her to talk to him, and now that she was standing right here, he was just sitting here like an idiot. Karen, waiting by the door, rolled her eyes.

"How long are you gonna sit here? I'm freaking starving, Halpert." At her utterance of his last name, Jim licked his lips to suppress a smile. After all, she was just saying it because that is simply how she referred to him; not because of any residual feelings. He stood up and followed her through the door.

* * *

><p>The silence they experienced between them at the little diner was no less awkward than the one from the office. Karen ordered waffles and some coffee (she hadn't eaten anything this morning), and Jim got some orange juice. As they sat waiting, Karen stared out of the window and Jim gazed at the table. He stole glances at her countenance occasionally as he tried to summon up the courage to say something…anything. Suddenly Karen's head whipped around and he was face to face with those hazel-greens. They didn't seem sad or angry; just curious…and maybe a little annoyed. Jim swallowed hard.<p>

"I um…am assuming you got my email." Now she was amused. Jim groaned inwardly. '_No shit, right?' _He thought to himself. "I just…ho-how've you been?" He finally managed. Karen raised an eyebrow.

"I'm good; doing pretty well, actually. I uh, got into my MBA program." Jim's eyes brightened, genuinely glad for her.

"Wow! That's great! I know you've wanted to do this for a long time. Congrats, Filippelli." Karen nodded as a small smiled played on her face. She didn't say anything though; just continued to watch him expectantly. "You look good," Jim offered. "Not that I was expecting you not to…I mean considering the circumstances," He paused. "Not that you and me was a big thing," '_Shut up, shut up!' _he practically screamed to himself. "Not that it was little, either…like insignificant or anything...you should be over it…not that I'm trying to tell you what you should and shouldn't be over—" Karen laughed a little uncomfortably at Jim's floundering.

"What the hell are you talking about?" She questioned. Jim sighed, his faced reddening as he ran a hand through his hair.

"I have no clue," Jim admitted finally.

"I figured as much," Karen responded. "So how about we try this…you wrote me and told me you wanted to 'make this right,' whatever that means. So start from there." She smiled up at the waiter then as he brought her food, then raised an eyebrow at Jim as if to say 'well?' before turning her attention to pouring syrup on her waffles. Jim watched her cut her food into small squares. He used to make fun of the fact that he would be almost completely done with his entire meal before she would even begin. When she started eating, she looked up at him again and he took a deep breath.

"Look…I know that things didn't exactly end well between us." Karen snorted at that, but otherwise made no response. "I was a complete jackass…" at that he trailed off. Karen turned her head slightly to the side as she waited for a continuance that did not come.

"Why did you stop? Were you expecting me to disagree?" she asked. "I'm in complete concurrence with the fact that you were a complete…douche ass—"

"Karen," Jim sighed. Karen placed her fork down. Her face was unreadable.

"What were you expecting to get out of today's visit, Jim? Seriously, what did you hope to gain from this today?"

"Well I—I was…" He stopped there.

"I bet you were probably hoping for a nice little reunion to ease your conscience so you could stop feeling like an asshole, then after you were satisfied that I was ok, and we established the fact that you had done no wrong, you could hop your happy ass back to Scranton and have your happily-ever-after. Am I right?" Jim was silent. Karen stared at him a few minutes before nodding almost imperceptibly, and then she simply went back to her waffles.

Jim didn't know what to say. He did feel bad, and he did feel guilty. He didn't want to hurt Karen, but at the same time, he felt that he had to get out of New York, out of the relationship and away from Karen by any means possible. It was his only chance…he didn't have time to think about it; he simply reacted. He frowned.

"Look, I didn't mean to hurt you, Karen. Stop fucking acting like that is what I set out to do." Karen stopped chewing at that. He saw her jaw clench slightly as she looked at her plate. He knew that look well. She was pissed off, but was trying very hard to hold back what she really wanted to say.

"Maybe this was a bad idea," he muttered as he started to push his chair back from the table. Karen's eyes flashed.

"Really, Halpert? You think so?" She hissed sarcastically through clenched teeth. Then she leaned in close to him, her voice low and deep as she forced herself to keep her voice down. "You didn't mean to hurt me, huh? Is that the best you've got? Because that doesn't change the fact that I cried for fucking weeks over you. I don't understand why you allowed me to believe we were ok…do you know how fucking humiliating that was? To have everyone talking behind my back about my boyfriend and another woman…I looked so…_stupid _staying with you Jim! But I figured it would all work out in the end because you wanted to be with me. You and all your 'I'm really happy you're here's'…I just…" The fire seemed to be going out of her eyes, and her body began to deflate. Finally getting the opportunity to say what she had wanted to say for at least a year had been satisfying, but it just left her feeling sad. She felt pathetic; she should not still be this affected by this. Karen sighed and sat back in her chair again. She pushed her food away and placed an elbow on the table; her forehead resting in her hand. They sat there for quite a long time like that; Jim with his chair half pushed out, and Karen with her head in her hand. Every time the waiter would come by Jim would shake his head; a signal for the waiter to move on. Eventually Jim took Karen's free hand tentatively under the table. He saw one of her eyes open as she peeked at him.

"You know, I tried to call you last week," he started. He wasn't really sure why he felt she should know that, but he said it anyway.

"If you did call I wouldn't have known," she responded quietly. "I deleted your number."

"Oh," Jim nodded. "That makes sense."

"You still have mine?" Karen asked. Jim didn't miss the amusement and surprise in her voice. He grinned.

"I kind of wanted to know if you were calling me just in case you wanted to warn me that you were coming back to shank me or something."

"Oh believe me, I thought about it," Karen responded. Jim froze.

"Really?"

"No, I was kidding." He was still unsure.

"Are you being sarcastic about the fact that you were kidding, or…" Karen giggled and he relaxed a bit.

"I mean, lets face it. I know and you know that you could totally kick my ass." Karen rolled her eyes, but there was a small smile on her face that she didn't think that he saw.

"Duh," she smirked. Then Jim's smile faded and he looked at her seriously.

"For the record, I am really, really sorry about the way that things turned out." Karen opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off quickly. "And I know it doesn't change the past, but…I miss you, and I hope we don't drift completely out of each other's lives."

"Jim please…just stop—" Her face looked strained now.

"I'm serious, Karen. I know what I've done and said in the past, but I really do miss you, and you're a really great person who deserved much better than me and I just wanted you to know that." Karen hesitated.

"I really don't think that's a good idea. What would Pam think about it?"

"What?" He wasn't expecting her to bring up Pam. It seemed weird; her acknowledging the fact that he had dumped her for Pam. He didn't know why it seemed weird; of course she knew, right? "She would be completely cool with it. We can be friends." Karen shook her head.

"You can't always have everything you want, Jim. Fuck a fairy tale. This is the real world. That's what got you in trouble the first time around." Now it was Karen's turn to push her chair back after she looked at her watch. She had to get back to the office. As she began to stand up, she realized that she couldn't because Jim had never let go of her hand.

* * *

><p>The next few weeks proved to be pretty uneventful. Michael didn't stay with Holly like he had planned (and just as Jim figured would happen), but he did leave New York with a promise from Holly that she was trying to come back to Scranton, and that she did miss Michael. Pam was still enjoying studying in the city, and he made his visits up there as often as her schedule would allow. After talking with Karen, Jim felt better for a while. He kind of felt like he did what he set out to do. He apologized in person, and she was able to see that he was genuinely sorry. That lasted for about a week, and then he was thinking about her again. Jim still felt sort of bad. Yes he apologized, but she still didn't <em>like <em>him, and it bothered him because they had once been so close, and he wanted her to like him again. _'Do I really live in a fairy tale world?'_ Jim wondered as he pondered Karen's 'fuck a fairy tale' line. Then he shrugged. If that was the case, then it worked for him before, as he had finally gotten together with Pam (even though it initially caused him bitter disappointment and heartbreak), so he was going to try to make it work for him now. He took out his phone and opened a text message. He typed a line quickly and hit send. A few minutes later his phone buzzed.

Hey. this is Jim. i'm upset that u nvr tried 2 contact me :-(.

**9:35AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: 5702267452**

What? Was I supposed to?

**9:41AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: Karen**

Jim smiled without being sure why he was smiling, and replied quickly:

Uh yes. we're friends right?

**9:42AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: 5702267452**

Um…no

**9:47AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: Karen**

:-(

**9:49AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: 5702267452**

What's with you and these sad faces?

**9:54AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: Karen**

cuz ur breaking my heart Filippelli

**9:55AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: 5702267452**

:'-(

**9:56AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: 5702267452**

Stop texting me. I look like an ass texting during this meeting. And plus I don't have unlimited text.

**10:03AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: Karen**

well u didn't have 2 respond. u do like me! at least enough 2 waste ur precious texts

**10:05AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: 5702267452**

:-D

**10:06AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: 5702267452**

He had no way of knowing that she was rolling her eyes on the other end with a little smile on her face in spite of herself.

Ugh. Shut up. I'll call you later_. _

**10:09AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: Karen**

Jim's eyebrows went up in surprise.

really? i bet u won't

**10:13AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: 5702267452**

I'm not a liar. Now go away and do some work.

**10: 17AM Tues, Aug 2**

**From: Karen**


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Ugh. This part felt so...jumbled. Let me know if it reads as jumbled as it felt.

* * *

><p>Jim was opening the door to his apartment later that evening while juggling his phone on his ear and a pizza in his hand.<p>

"So when are the presentations?" Pam swiveled around in her desk chair to look at the calendar she had posted on the wall.

"Um, in 2 weeks. Can you make it?" Jim grinned.

"Of course, Beesley. You know I wouldn't miss it. How many pieces do you have?"

"Like 5 or 6."

"Nice. Sounds like you've been really busy."

"I have! Oh my gosh…it seems like as soon as I finish one project, another one is due. I miss the days of sitting around at Dunder-Mifflin doing absolutely nothing." Jim laughed.

"No worries. You'll be back soon enough."

"I know. Just a few more weeks. So how've you been?" Just then Jim heard the faint beep of an incoming call on his phone.

"Hey Pam, can I call you right back? I have another call."

"Ok, no problem. I'll be up."

"Alright. Talk to ya in a few, Beesley."

"Bye, Jim." He clicked over quickly without looking.

"Hello?"

"You owe me ten dollars." Jim smiled toothily and responded with laughter in his voice.

"What? How is that?"

"You said you bet that I wouldn't call."

"As I recall, we didn't actually bet any money."

"Well too bad, because I did. In my head. And you lost, so pay up."

"I would have to see you again to give you the money."

"No you don't. I take checks and money orders. So rather than wasting the money on gas, all you have to do is spring for a stamp and an envelope." Jim set the pizza down on the little kitchen table and started un-tucking his shirt. He looked around for his roommate, and after discovering that the place was empty, walked into his room.

"Ah, so you're giving me your address then?" Karen scoffed.

"No. You would send it to my office." There was a muffled sound from Jim's end as he pulled off his tie and dress shirt and pulled on a t-shirt. "What are you doing?"

"I'm changing out of my work clothes. Is that ok with you, Ms. Karen?" Jim asked with a smirk.

"You're home already? Ugh. I hate you. More than I already did." Jim paused in his search for his basketball shorts.

"Do you really hate me?" he asked softly. The line was silent for a long minute. Jim thought the call had dropped. "Karen?"

"I used to," she finally admitted. "I mean…I was really hurt. I do realize that some of the blame falls on me. I'm a big girl and I make my own decisions, but that…really sucked." Jim sighed as he sat down on his bed.

"I know…" Jim looked down at his feet. There wasn't really anything else that he could say to that.

"So," Karen started after an awkward pause. "How's Pam?"

"Oh, um…she's good." He wasn't too sure how comfortable she would be talking about Pam, so he didn't want to say too much.

"That's good…tell her I said hi or whatever." Jim nodded.

"Will do." He was now resplendent in his t-shirt and shorts, and was padding barefoot back to the kitchen. "So what are you gonna do when you get home?" Karen thought about that a second.

"I don't know…eat a bowel of cereal, take a shower and pass out on the couch in front of the TV."

"Cereal? Really, Filippelli?" Jim clicked his tongue. "Terrible. Still haven't mastered the fine art of cooking I see."

"What? I'm exhausted."

"Get take-out."

"I don't feel like driving all the way there and waiting in line." Jim laughed, very amused.

"Lazy. How hard is it to stop somewhere on the way home?"

"Very difficult."

"Hopeless. I give up." He grabbed a slice of pizza from the box and sat down at the table. "So what book are you reading these days?" Karen frowned, confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"You used to read some book or another some nights before bed. You would sit out in the living room so you wouldn't keep me up and I'd always find you snoring on the couch later."

"Hush. I don't snore." Jim snorted.

"Oh, yes you do. It's ok though. It was adorable." He caught himself after he said it and immediately got quiet. Karen cleared her throat after a moment.

"I'm gonna try to finish up here so I can get home at a decent hour tonight."

"Oh…ok. Don't work too hard. And…call me again sometime…if you want…I know you're busy and all and I understand this was incredibly weird…" Karen sighed.

"Jim, I've been playing along with this little…whatever it is we're doing here, but don't expect this to be a regular thing. I called you back because I said I would, and like I also stated, I'm not a liar."

"I know, I know…I'm sorry…I didn't even stop to think about how you might feel…which seems to be an on-going problem of mine," Jim stated glumly.

"Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, I really do, but I think it's best that we just go our separate ways. Contrary to what you may think, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but you and Pam don't need another person in between you. Especially not me. It will cause too many problems. I should know." Jim cringed as he heard the sadness in her voice.

"Why do you always have to be the grown-up?" He muttered; amazed with how she was handling this; or maybe pretending to handle it.

"Because somebody has to, Halpert." He knew she was right. "Good night, Jim."

"Yeah…bye, Karen."

* * *

><p>When the weekend rolled around, Jim was in his bedroom cleaning up a bit. He had gotten up fairly early to do it because he wanted to go see Pam later in the afternoon. Jim tossed an arm full of dirty clothes on top of the laundry basket sitting in the corner, and then gathered a few magazines from the floor. He liked having his magazines near his bed, which is why he purchased an exceptionally spacious nightstand to place them in, though he rarely used it. He walked over and pulled the drawer open hastily and was about to drop the stack into it when something caught his eye. Jim leaned over and peered carefully before retrieving the objects from the top of the magazines that were already in the drawer.<p>

In his hand were a watch and a ring. The watch had a very small silver band, so it was definitely not his, and the matching ring obviously wasn't his either. It was women's jewelry. They weren't Pam's, he concluded quickly. Silver wasn't really her style. She was more of a leather watchband kind of girl, and she didn't really wear rings. Her old engagement ring was the only jewelry Jim could remember her wearing. He looked at them again before turning and carrying them over to the unmade bed. He reached for his phone which was charging on top of his pillow. Yes, he remembered what she had said about limiting their contact and that he shouldn't be calling her, or emailing, or sending texts anymore, but he didn't know how else to figure out if this stuff was hers or not. He was pretty sure it was, unless Mark was bringing girls into his room or something.

The phone rang about five times. He was about to hang up when he heard someone pick up on the other end. He heard coughing and a lot of moving around.

"Hello?" Her voice was deep and raspy. It sounded like she had just woken up.

"Hey, it's Jim." Silence. "Hello?"

"Yeah…what…" Jim listened to her moving around again as she sat up slightly and rolled to look over her shoulder at her clock. "Why are you calling me?"

"Did you leave a watch and a ring over here at some point by any chance?" Karen frowned and rubbed at her eyes.

"I don't know…the last time I was at your place was a little over a year ago. What do they look like?"

"Uh…silver. It looks like they match or came in a set or something." Karen's eyes widened.

"Oh! Yeah…it was right after we…um…before we left for New York. Why are you just now telling me about them?" Jim chuckled.

"Would you believe I just now found them? This room doesn't see much straightening up. I kinda keep what I need scattered haphazardly on the floor. You know…for easy access." He waited for the laugh that he expected would follow his admission, but it never came.

"Look…I'm uh, coming to the city to visit Pam today…I'll just drop these off and I'll be out of your way. I'm not trying to ruin your day with my presence." There was a brief silence again before she answered.

"You know I live like, an hour and a half away from the city right?" Jim frowned. Like most people when they think of New York, they only picture the city. They don't take into consideration that New York State is its own separate entity consisting of other cities and towns.

"It's fine. Just give me directions. I promise I'll try to make this as painless as possible." Karen sighed and ran a hand through her sleep mussed hair.

"You know you don't have to do this. Just FedEx it or something." Jim's temper flared at that for some reason. His feelings were hurt. He didn't know why he felt so hurt or why the fact that he was hurt was making him angry, but the fact still remained that he was.

"Just…fine. Whatever. Forget I called. I'll send it to Dunder-Mifflin. I won't bother you anymore." Jim was about to slam his phone shut when he heard her protest.

"Jim wait!" He slowly placed the phone back up to his ear and waited. Karen sighed again. "Look…I'm sorry. It's really nice of you to drive out of your way to give me back my stuff. I appreciate it." Jim's expression softened at her apology. He allowed himself a small grin.

"Geez. So cranky. You never used to be this cranky in the morning."

"Yeah, well…people change, Halpert. You got a pen?" Jim looked around him helplessly for a few seconds while standing in the middle of the room before walking back over to his nightstand and rummaging through it. He found a pen and a scrap of paper.

"Yes I do. Hit me." He wrote down her address and directions to her place from the city. When they finally hung up, Jim placed the paper in his wallet and smiled. Not only did he get to see his girlfriend, but he was going to get to see Karen. For the life of him though, he couldn't figure out why the latter would contribute to his happiness.

* * *

><p>Jim pulled into the parking lot of Karen's apartment around lunch time and shut off the engine. He sat in his car for a few minutes staring into space as he rubbed his palms on his jeans. Jim decided he would stop here first so that he could have the rest of the day to spend with Pam. Actually, he hadn't even called Pam yet to tell her that he was in town. He had a feeling that knowing that he was at Karen's place was something she probably wouldn't take so well; although he couldn't figure out why she wouldn't take it well. He was just dropping off some things and he would be on his way. At least that was the plan. Jim was kind of hoping that Karen wouldn't turn him away immediately after the exchange. He really hated that things were still so uncomfortable between them in spite of his best efforts to amend the circumstances. He wasn't used to people not liking him. Jim took pride in his personable personality. People were naturally attracted to him. This was why he concocted that stupid Herr's-chips- quest at Stamford because Karen thought he was a pompous jerk. When she smiled up at him that first time, his heart leapt. Jim did everything that he could after that to keep that smile on her face.<p>

His heart rate increased as he finally started to get out of the car. After grabbing the envelope that contained Karen's jewelry, he locked and shut his door and shoved the items into his pocket. He glanced at the paper that he had written the directions on to double check Karen's address before walking up to the door. Jim shoved his hands into his pockets after he knocked and turned his back to the door. When he heard the clicking of locks, he turned around just in time to see Karen stick her head out.

"Hey," he greeted softly, looking down at her. Karen gave a little half smile, but didn't say anything. Jim reached into his pocket quickly and pulled out the envelope.

"Thanks," Karen replied as he handed it to her. He watched her open it and look inside, then he stepped forward a tiny bit.

"Can I come in for a second?" he tried. The worst she could do was say no, and possibly cuss him out, but seeing as she didn't look particularly angry, he concluded that the latter might be safely ruled out. As it turns out, she simply let out an exasperated breath.

"Jim-"

"What?" He interrupted. " I just wanted to ask if I could use your bathroom. I've been driving for 3 hours. That's all." Jim looked at her, and then looked away, then back up again. Karen's eyes searched his. He didn't know what she was looking for, but apparently what she found was to her satisfaction because she stepped back and opened the door just enough so that he could squeeze his way in.

Jim watched her lock the door again once he was inside and looked her over quickly. She was wearing some pink cotton pajama pants with little kittens on them that made him smile, and a black cotton tank top. He also noticed that it didn't look like she was wearing a bra underneath that tank top, but being quite adverse to ass-kickings, he quickly averted his eyes. Her feet were bare and her toenails painted a bright, metallic blue. He watched as she rubbed her right ankle with the toes of her left foot, then looked up as she turned to face him.

"It's uh...down that way. Second door on the right," she gestured in the direction of the bathroom, and Jim nodded once and walked the way she pointed. When he returned a few minutes later he found her sitting on the couch with her legs curled under her watching something on TV. She didn't look up when he walked in, and he hesitated behind the couch looking at the back of her head. A good minute passed just like that before Jim walked around to the side of the couch and he eased down slowly at the far end. Karen's head whipped quickly in his direction at that.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Can we talk?"

"Why do you keep doing this? What the hell, Halpert? When we were together your mind was always somewhere else, and now that we're not it seems like I can't get rid of you.

"I know, and if I could change the way things happened, I would, but you know I can't."

"Yes, Jim. I do know that. But do you?" Her question made him pause. When he opened his mouth to say something, she cut him off.

"I loved you, Jim." Her voice was quiet, but stern. "I gave you everything I had. You made it clear that you didn't want me, so you moved on. Can you at least have the decency to let me do the same?" She really hadn't intended on saying that she wasn't quite over him to his face, but she was tired of letting it keep her in bondage. As soon as she admitted it to him, and in effect to herself, she could deal with it. She would be damned if Jim Halpert continued to have a hold on her life when he wasn't even in it. "Just leave me alone. Do you understand?"

Jim did understand, but his understanding was not related to what Karen had just told him. His heart pounded in his chest. He guessed he had always sort of known, but the feelings had disguised themselves as other things, and he was content with the lie for a long time. But then he realized his lie didn't only affect himself. There were two other lives at stake. He owed it to them to figure out who he was and what he wanted. He knew it could potentially blow up in his face; as a matter of fact he was quite sure that that is what would happen, but he couldn't keep living like this anymore.

"Karen, I—" he started, then turned and faced her fully to look her in the eyes. "I added nothing to you when you added so much to me. If I leave you alone you will get over me. I have no doubt about that. But…I don't really want you to get over me yet because…I'm not…over you." At his admission the room was completely silent save the soft background noise from the TV. Karen's eyes, at first wide in surprise, now narrowed into slits as her anger surged.

"What is wrong with you?" She yelled. "How can you keep doing this to people? You jump into shit without a second thought; no regard for anyone else or how your little revelations could effect them. Just as long as you get what you want it's ok, right?" She didn't wait for an answer. "This is not a game, Halpert! You can't hit restart when things don't go your way and expect the past to never have happened. Just…no, fuck you, and get out."

"Karen, I will prove it to you! I swear I will…I had been in love with Pam for so long that she was the only person I could wrap my head around. She was everything and I couldn't be convinced otherwise, but then I met you and you were everything that I wanted her to be…you were strong and confident and you knew what the hell you wanted…and I needed that, Karen! I needed someone who knew they wanted to be with me, and then to just be with me, you know? And I didn't even realize that my feelings were growing for you because I was so focused on getting to Pam because I had been chasing that feeling for so long and I couldn't give it up…but it wasn't until I was with her that I finally realized that I was in love with you and that somewhere along the road I had fallen more in love with the idea of Pam than Pam herself. I'm telling you the truth, Karen…probably the first complete truth I've told in a long, long time." Jim moved a bit closer to her on the couch as he spoke.

"I love Pam. A part of me always will. She was the first person I was ever in love with, and she was the first person to break my heart. But I'm _in_ love with you, Karen. When I left Scranton and went to Stamford, I was starting to push Pam aside; especially after I met you. But things just got so messed up when I came back and I was just so fucking confused…I'm not trying to make excuses…but the point is if Stamford had never closed, I would have never come back. But when I left you, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't push you aside. I've tried, Karen. Believe me, I have. But you make me a better me. You realized how much better I could be so you pushed me. With Pam and I…it's like we're holding on to the past…to who we used to be instead of who we are growing to be. How much longer can that survive? I'm tired of hurting people, but I just want to be happy, and I've finally realized that you make me happy."

Karen sat silent as Jim spoke for an uninterrupted five minutes. Jim was trying to catch her gaze, but she wasn't looking at him. Her attention seemed to be focused on a point just over his shoulder. It wasn't until he brushed his fingers against the hand resting on her knee that she looked at him.

"I know I can't just walk back into your life," he began again. "But I'm prepared to do whatever I need to do for you to trust me again." He took a deep breath and let it out in a rush. "Pam is going back to Scranton in a couple of weeks, but I'm not." Karen was shaking her head now.

"When…when did you decide all this?" She asked.

"Well, just now kind of. And before you look at me like 'you've done this before,' I realize that it seems very impulsive, but there is another open position at corporate, and I'm interviewing. I'm pretty sure I'll get it, because believe it or not, I'm pretty sure David thinks I'm really awesome." He grinned slightly when Karen offered a little-almost-smile. "Pam is following her dream, and I thought it was about time I followed mine and got out of Scranton. I was planning on telling her today, but I got sidetracked a bit."

"What if you don't get the job? Then what?"

"Either way, I'm not staying. I can't stay…not knowing what I know now. Where I end up if it comes to that is dependent on if you decide to take another chance on me." Karen hated that she was curious; she was really trying to be indifferent here; or at least as indifferent as one could be after telling a person to go fuck themselves.

"What are your options?" She finally asked.

"Well, here…or…I don't know. I hadn't really thought that far yet."

"Because you were expecting me to take you back?"

"No, no. Not at all. But I was hoping…" Jim trailed off. Karen sighed and looked away. Jim felt his heart stop. Not really, but that's what it felt like. His face fell when she got up quickly and walked out of the room. That familiar feeling of a breaking heart was back. His chest felt pained and he swallowed hard at the lump that was forming in his throat. He stood up slowly from the couch and was about to get out of there as fast as possible when Karen emerged with a pillow and a blanket. She dropped them on the couch and rolled her eyes at Jim's look of confusion.

"I'm not going soft, ok? I have a lot of stuff to think about." She looked at Jim pointedly and he swallowed again. "But if you want to stay tonight…" she gestured towards the couch. "Maybe we could talk about it later." A slow smile spread over Jim's face as his brain registered what she was saying.

"I've got a couple of things to do today," he replied, thinking of how much he was dreading what had to be said to his girlfriend, "but I'll be back in a few hours." Karen nodded and turned towards the kitchen. "Hey, Filippelli?" She turned slowly to face him again. "I love you. I'm not saying it to get you to say it back, but while you're doing your thinking, I just want you to remember that." Jim didn't mind when he saw a smile start across her face and she turned quickly to hide it as she resumed her walk to the kitchen. Jim ran easily across the parking lot to his car once outside and unlocked the door. As he was sliding into his seat he looked up towards Karen's apartment. He grinned happily when he looked just in time to see the curtains falling quickly back into place at Karen's window. He had a chance. However small it was, he intended to make good use of it. Jim started his car and turned on the radio. He sang along softly as he pulled out into the street.


End file.
